5 Pieces of Earned Wisdom: What 26 years of work has taught me

Happy birthday to me. I kicked off a new decade recently, so it’s time to take stock of where I’m at - work-wise and work ‘wise’.

Sound familiar? I’ve been working in professional settings since I was 14, though I’ve been living life since I was born… so why does it take nearly 4 decades to gain certain professional confidence and clarity? Well, I entered a new decade recently which got me thinking about life lessons. I’d like to spare you some time and share my relatively recent realizations out loud.

Do you recognize yourself in any of this time-earned wisdom?

1. Take &#%*ing breaks.

Inexpensive to pull off, with the biggest payoff: When I’m stuck in a hard decision-making spiral, or catch myself overthinking an idea, or can’t figure out how to respond to an email that’s pissed me off — getting my brain off topic for a while is immensely helpful.

Especially critical for gut punch emails or comments that tempt a right hook in response. It took me too long to understand that it’s not the best route to reply immediately to things that fire me up. “Mark unread” or “save it for later” are gifts. With a break for the brain, I come back smarter. With smarter comebacks.

Pro tip: Taking breaks to return clear-headed is great — but best to have a go-to list of ‘contained’ distractions with which to shut off. If it’s a Youtube clip, make it long enough that you finish it feeling you got something without needing to endless scroll through short reels to feel time passing. If it’s a game, make it one that only lets you play once in 24 hours. If it’s a nap, well, you know: set an alarm.

Or do something you need to do anyway — prep your lunch (or walk instead of Wolt). The least taxing of all: wait till tomorrow, after a night’s sleep.

Once I started doing this, I was shocked at how much clearer, crisper and calmer my responses were.

2. Trusting in yourself is hard but awesome.

This one truly takes time, age and personal growth to achieve. Years of experiencing yourself in real-world scenarios can build up trust in yourself — especially if you’re a. open to it and b. engaged in points #3 and #4 below.

By now, I have a list of experiences I can look back on and trust that me + time + process will get me through another challenge or struggle or rut, and I don’t have to stay stuck in the actively anxious state until I manage to resolve it.

Pro tip: Watch your self-talk for too much putting yourself down. Seek out the inner earned Yoda who can tell you from experience, “Been here before, you have. Get through it again, you will.”

3. Process is half the riches.

It’s 100% not always going to go the way you planned. There is so much more to gain while heading towards an outcome… the process that gets us there is filled with Easter eggs of richness, life lessons, learning from mistakes, learning from others, learning from being engaged in a process itself. Beware leaving all those goodies on the table at the outcome stage.

Pro tip: Keep records of your to-do lists that get you to the goal, the notes you took, and even a post mortem on the process. That will be something you can always look back towards later. It’s as simple as pasting it into a Google doc, or just creating a list of keyword reminders of the stuff you overcame.

4. Self awareness is the ultimate innate gift.

It fascinates me how precious self awareness is, and how many people haven’t been equipped for it. If you are, don’t waste it; you can sharpen it, flex it, exercise it. It’s especially powerful to be actively aware of the difference between what you know and what you don’t know — about yourself, others, professionally.

Pro tip: List what you’re good at — not your CV, but open a blank doc and list your best professional features, proudest achievements, hardest earned lessons learned. But also note the blind spots — the areas which you know you don’t know enough about, or don’t come easily, or are painful to attempt. That way you know when to delegate or collaborate or practice and grow.

5. Empathy goes all ways.

People are people, whether they’re sitting across from you in the office or in front of you in the driver’s seat. Traffic makes you upset, it also makes me upset. Pandemic has been shitty for me, my cousin, my good friend. Why wouldn’t I consider that it also was for you?

Exercising the memory muscle that keeps that mantra going — people are people, we’re all dealing with something — can make interacting, relationship building, communicating more productive, calmer and frankly, pleasant in the long run.

Pro tip: Bring empathy to work. Maybe in the form of a mantra, every hour of every work day: People are not an email address. Behind the Slack handle, LinkedIn title, and avatar are actual people capable of actual pain, from daily annoyance to human-levels of self doubt to illness and tragedy. Recognizing that we are all going through crap (or joy!) at any given time helps me feel empathy — or just cut slack — for my boss, my colleague, my mom, and, yeah, myself. It’s another awareness muscle.

Your turn — instead of waiting another decade, help me cheat time. What haven’t I learned yet that you can teach me?